In All Things, Patterns (Novel Excerpts)

perhaps the “relationship” shared by myself and the unmentionable other was a mere flapping of a butterfly’s wings on a conceptual level — but in the grand scheme, it has altered the course of my life and subsequently that of countless others. without even trying, he has defined my future, and reactions to benevolent circumstance have formulated my new existence.

our brief interaction opened me up to the idea of really loving someone the way love should be experienced: courageously and honestly. and in the approach of love as a poetic ideal, self-conscious logic was abandoned in the swells of a great, sweeping romantic flow. those feelings of love shrink with time, yet their memory persists in philosophical and literary thought. since his disappearance, it has become clear that the unmentionable other has visibly left his imprint upon my life. in every conversation i now have, every book i now discover, every wish or expectation i now conjur, there are glimmers of his handiwork.

it has been a mere three months since his disappearance, but an eternity has passed. three months is enough time for the course of one’s life to shift dramatically. i am now a new i — ever subtly, but significantly. i am infused with new purpose — one shaped as two books to be written — but the structure within them is drawn and redrawn with every passing day.

the unmentionable other’s departure truly drew heavy blood. but his memory has become pleasant, manifested as a teasing reminder of all that is playful and perplexing about life’s grand mysteries. i’ve not oft thought about his existence within the past few months, perhaps due to the slight associated pain, but it was at this point today that i’ve truly accepted the situation.

2011 – July 3
FROM IN ALL THINGS, PATTERNS.