i am no longer struggling between logic and intuition, but between the dualities of intuition and intuition. yes, indeed, it is that complicated, and i can map out any possible point of sense data and intuitive data i have, and each one can swing at an arc, high and low, in and out, until finally, it has all settled upon this. this, it seems, is not the immediate answer, and not the one that my heart had initially been so superstitiously set upon. this, it seems, is in fact a circle radiating outwards from my most hated tendency towards escapism. in the outer ring, growing ever bigger, lies the true test against which i am to push back, to force the waves inwards into the point of center once again. they are never to break the outermost border, where they will pop the bubble with their easy and convenient rhythms.
he tells me just now that he is unclear, that he needs perspective. time to realign himself, and time to let go of the scars and anxieties that have once again emerged. perhaps it is better for both of us that he takes the time… i guess i just hope that he will take the time, and then take the plunge, if the plunge still feels right.